


A Guilty Thing Surprised

by Cinnamon68



Category: Scott & Bailey
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-10
Updated: 2014-05-09
Packaged: 2017-12-23 01:20:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/920320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cinnamon68/pseuds/Cinnamon68
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I feel as though I am somehow cheating, writing this story. I consider myself a diehard Gill/Julie shipper, and here I am posting this Gill/Rachel story! I can only say after watching the last episode and hearing that line again, I just had to write this. The first line is obviously lifted from the episode. I own nothing except the story. The title is taken from a Ruth Rendell book.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

'You can crash my parties any time kid!' Gill said, as she tried to sit up. The events of the day and the large quantity of gin she had consumed making the simple action more difficult. Rachel's stomach flip-flopped as she looked at Gill, her hair slightly messy, and the look on her face. Coming from anyone else Rachel would have taken that as a come-on. But this was Gill Murray, DCI Gill Murray, no less. Godzilla, for fuck's sake! She surely wasn't. Or was she... Rachel closed her eyes for a moment and forced herself to even her breathing. Gill continued talking and Rachel allowed herself to be caught up in the banter, feeling as though her world had been returned to a semblance of normality.

Dave was practically comatose on the sofa in the furthest corner of the room, when the three women came down the stairs to rejoin the party. People were dancing, drinking and nibbling and all seemed well. Gill looked around and saw Sammy and Orla together. She had to agree they made a lovely couple Janet went over to offer her congratulations to them, and Rachel asked Gill if it was all right to go and smoke in the garden.

'I think I'll join you.' Gill said as she poured herself another rather large gin and tonic.

'What's your poison, tonight, kid?' Gill asked Rachel, who surveyed the array of drinks on offer and settled on a vodka and cranberry juice. She planned on drinking a few more before the evening ended. Gill handed Rachel her drink, and lead the way out through the patio doors to the garden, passing the now snoring Dave. Not for the first time, Rachel wondered how someone as amazing as Gill had ended up with someone like Dave, then snorted as she thought of her own bad decisions where relationships were concerned. She really was in no position to judge.

Rachel took a few gulps of her drink then put in on the wall surrounding the patio as she rummaged in her bag for cigarettes and her lighter. As she opened the packet to take one out she offered one to Gill, thinking that today qualified as a bad day, if ever there was one. Gill gratefully accepted. Rachel lit her cigarette, then leaned into Gill to light hers. As she did so, Gill touched Rachel's hand and Rachel's skin tingled. She felt herself leaning in and craving more. Their eyes met as they cupped their hands around the cigarette, lighting it. Rachel felt her knees go weak, and her eyes widened. She had entered the twilight zone. This could not be Godzilla. As Gill sucked in her first breath and then exhaled, Rachel took a large swig of her vodka and wondered where she had taken a left turn.

There were only the two of them in the corner now and Rachel felt as though they were naughty school girls, sneaking out for a crafty ciggie, rather than two fully grown women. They had long finished their cigarettes, but neither showed any interest in returning to the party proper. Rachel swallowed the rest of her vodka, and let the alcohol work it's magic, as it travelled through her veins, easing the tension of the long, hard day. As she closed her eyes, she leant back against the wall, she felt her eyes begin to fill with tears. _What the Fuck!_ She thought. _You're pathetic. It's Godzilla who should be crying, if anyone. Get a grip, Bailey!_ She shakily raised another cigarette to her mouth, aware of Gill's eyes upon her. Looking up to meet Gill's gaze, she saw concern, and something else in her eyes. Gill reached out and took hold of Rachel's free hand, her thumb stroking Rachel's wrist, sending sparks of desire through Rachel's body. _This is not happening!_ Rachel thought as her vision blurred and her world tipped even more sideways. She realised Gill was speaking, and she hadn't heard a word.

Looking dazedly at Gill, she asked 'Uh...sorry, I didn't quite...I mean, what did you say?'

Gill looked directly at her 'I was asking if you were all right, kid?'

'Um...shouldn't that be me..asking you, I mean, you're the one who...' _the one who was abducted, held at knife-point, watched a woman as her lifeblood drained away._ Rachel had been unable to voice any of it, and was unable to the stop the feelings of helplessness which came crashing down. It hit her with full force. They could have lost Gill today. One of the few constants, in Rachel's ever changing world, and she would have been even more at sea.

'Come here.' Gill said, simply. With that Rachel was pulled into Gill's arms, and round the corner of the house, away from any prying eyes. Rachel allowed herself to be held by Gill, as the tears fell and she felt her body shake uncontrollably. Big, fat tears sprang out of Rachel's eyes and slid down her cheeks. Gill pulled back and Rachel felt her face being cupped in Gill's hands, and Gill's thumb lightly brushing away a tear,

'Shh..it's okay. We're all in one piece.' Gill smiled and Rachel clung on to her as she continued silently crying. Rachel's mind was in turmoil. Her thoughts going round and round, as she imagined alternative endings to the days events, none of them good.

'It's just...I mean...if I'd...we'd lost you. I don't know what would happen..to me, I mean.' Rachel stammered, hoping Gill understood what she meant. 'Who would keep me on the straight and narrow, eh?'

Gill wasn't entirely sure that she wanted to keep the young DC on the straight and narrow at this moment in time. 'It's okay, I'm still here.' with that she pulled Rachel closer to her, wiping away another tear. If asked later, Rachel would never be able to explain what happened next, One minute she was looking at her DCI, and the next she was leaning in to kiss her. She touched her lips to Gill's. She had intended a quick peck, but the needy noise Gill made in her throat, at the contact, made her forget her resolve; if indeed, it had ever truly been there. Sliding her hands around Gill, she deepened the kiss, amazed as Gill responded. Gill's tongue insinuated itself in Rachel's mouth swirling and probing, sending Rachel wild with desire. Rachel felt Gill push her against the side wall of the house. Rachel gasped as she felt Gill's hands tugging her shirt from her trousers and moaned as the cool air hit her bare torso followed by Gill's hand stroking her skin, sliding up to cup a bra-covered breast and tease a nipple, through the silky fabric. Rachel shuddered, amazed at the intense desire and lust that was coursing through her body. Rachel broke the kiss and her head fell back against the wall, arching her body into Gill whose mouth was now trailing wet kisses down Rachel's neck, as her hand continued exploring.

'G..Gill...' Rachel gasped. Saying Gill's name was difficult, but it was hardly appropriate to call her senior officer Godzilla or boss given the circumstances. 'We shouldn't be doing this..' _here, where we could be seen, anywhere?_ Rachel wasn't sure what she meant and her body didn't seem to agree with her as it was aching for Gill's touch. She felt light headed and dizzy, and knew it wasn't the alcohol causing it.

Gill blinked and looked at Rachel, seeming to come out of a daze.

'I can think of many,many reasons why this is inappropriate.' Gill sighed.

 _Oh God, she's regretting it already!_ Rachel's mind screamed at her.

'I ..' Gill tried to continue.

Before she could complete what she had been about to say, they heard Janet's voice calling.

'Gill...Rach...Are you still out here?'

'Shit!' Rachel said. 'We should..' she said, waving her hands indicating the disarray of their clothing.

Hastily, the two women smoothed their clothing, and tried to calm their ragged breathing, as Janet rounded the corner to the house.

'Oh, there you are.' Janet stated the obvious. 'What are you two up too?'

Trying not to look guilty, Gill said, almost succeeding.

'Just having a chat, away from the noise.'

Janet took in the still dishevelled appearance of the pair, and the mussed hair. She raised an eyebrow.

'Hmm...' Janet remarked. 'Just come to tell you, I'm going to head off. Get back to the girls and my mum.'

'Oh right.' Gill said. 'It's still early. Are you sure?'

'Got loads of things to do this weekend.' Janet continued. 'Need an early start tomorrow. Do you want me to give you a lift, Rach?

Looking between Gill and Janet, Rachel tried to make a decision. She felt adrenaline coursing through her veins. _Fight or Flight,_ she thought.

'Uh, yes thanks.' Rachel decided. 'It's been a long day and all. I should...I should really make a move.'

Rachel wasn't sure if that were a wise move, but on balance, she thought she'd prefer Janet's probing to Gill's explanations, as to why this could never happen again. She didn't think she could cope with that right now.

Gill walked them to the door, then hugged Janet goodbye. She looked at Rachel, awkwardly, and said.

'Have a good weekend. See you bright and early, Monday morning.'

'Right you are.' Janet said. 'See ya!' and with that she grabbed Rachel (who appeared to have been rooted to the spot) by the hand, and pulled her down the drive to her car. When she was sure she was out of earshot of Gill, Janet turned to Rachel and asked.

'What was that all about?..with Gill, I mean.'

'Nothing...' Rachel answered. 'We were...we were just talking..I was upset and..'

Janet looked appraisingly at her friend, and again raised her eyebrow.

As they reached the car, Janet unlocked it remotely, going round to the driver's side. Looking over the top of the car at Rachel.

'I would be more inclined to believe that, were it not for the lipstick marks on your collar and ...oh yeah...your neck!'

'Oh, shit!' Rachel panicked. 'Will you just shoot me now? Save Godzilla a job on Monday.'

Rachel looked close to tears and Janet immediately regretted her words.

'Listen Rachel, I don't want to pry. I just want you to know I'm here if you want to talk.'

They both got in the car and Janet drove off. Rachel pulled down the visor and looked at her reflection in the mirror. She saw the marks that Janet had spoken off, glad she had left the party when she had. At least no one else had seen them. She was aware of Janet glancing over at her, looking concerned.

'Look, I mean it, pal. I just want you to know you can talk to me. You do know that, don't you? I really missed you.'

'I know, and I will. Just not yet. Anyway, ' Rachel continued. 'Looks like there's nothing to talk about now.'

Janet pulled up outside Rachel's flat, and seeing her friend looking so dejected and disheartened, she pulled her into a hug.

'Thanks.' Rachel said, holding on to Janet for a few moments. 'Oh God, I've really missed us!' she sniffed.

Janet squeezed Rachel harder. 'Oh, you'll have me blubbing before long! D'ya want me to come in with you?'

Rachel swiped a hand across her face. 'No thanks. I'll be fine. Call me tomorrow?'

'Sure thing. Maybe go out for lunch? The girls are out with Ade for the day.'

Rachel said one more goodbye, exited the car and opened the door to the building. She waved Janet off, closing the door behind her, then entered her flat, collapsing on the sofa, thinking. _Rachel Bailey, what sort of mess have you got into, this time?! Kissing your boss, no less! Shit, shit, shit! She'll hang you out to dry for this. Have you carted off to another syndicate, or worse back to division!_

Rachel groaned, and went to the cupboard. She poured herself a large vodka, added a small amount of orange juice, and drank it down in one. Pouring another, she took the bottle back with her to the sofa, and set about drowning her sorrows, well and truly.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N So, despite thinking that this was a one shot. I have written another chapter! This is Gill/Rachel and Julie/OFC. I just had to make up someone lovely for Julie, as I couldn't bear to see her alone! She's having such a bad time of it, in fics at the moment, and I think Gill would only consider a relationship with another woman if Julie were unavailable. If the thought of Gill or Julie with anyone else, but each other, is enough to make you run for the hills, then this story probably isn't for you. If you persevere, I hope you enjoy!

Chapter 2

Gill closed the door, after watching Rachel and Janet disappear down the driveway and leaned against it. She sighed, and closed her eyes. _What on earth were you thinking! Well, you weren't exactly thinking at all, were you?_ Said the little voice of reason in Gill's brain. _Ooh, but it felt so good!_ Said another part of her brain that was of the opinion thinking was vastly over-rated. As she closed her eyes and let the images and feelings of her encounter with Rachel flood her brain, she thought she really had lost the plot.

Gill was just thinking, she might sneak up to bed when she heard the doorbell ringing. Opening the door again, she was confronted by an exhausted looking Julie, and enveloped in a hug, by way of greeting.

"Good to see you, Slap." Gill enthused.

"Likewise, you mad cow!" Julie returned. "You gave us all such a fright!"

Letting go of Gill, at last, Julie went over to Sammy and Orla, to offer her sincere congratulations to the happy couple.

"Auntie Julie!" Sammy exclaimed, delightedly. "You made it! I thought they'd keep you all night!"

"Even Karen Zalinski isn't that bad." Julie countered. "You still set on joining our 'merry band' then?"

"Sure, what else am I going to do?" Sammy smiled at Orla.

"I'm a little worried, about it all" Orla confessed. "How did you cope today, when your best friend was kidnapped. Wasn't it horrible?"

"The worst." Julie confessed. "But I was determined we'd get her back in one piece and I just concentrated on that. I wanted to be able to do that for her"

"I thought dad was going to go and see what was going on at one point, but I persuaded him that I needed him here." He winked at Julie.

"Thanks for that, kid. I have to confess, I thought he might try to interfere, and I wanted to concentrate on your mum and not having a competition with your dad! I know he was worried, as we all were, but I needed a clear head."

"And you did a brilliant job, and mum is back safe." Sammy said as he gave Julie a bear hug. "I can't thank you enough! I don't know what I'd do without her."

"Me neither, kid. Me neither. It's over now, bar the reports, and interviews. You do realise that there's a lot of paper work in this job. You wouldn't believe it!"

Julie tried not to think of the pile of paper work she had to get through sitting on her office desk. She knew she was going to have to go in at least one day this weekend.

"Where'd your mum go?" Julie asked looking round the room.

"Either to the kitchen, or outside. She's been outside a lot this evening. I think she's taken up smoking again!" Sammy explained. "Oh, you haven't got a drink! What sort of hosts are we?"

Sammy moved to the kitchen to pour a drink for Julie. As she followed, she looked round for Gill, but wasn't able to see her. Taking her gin and tonic from Sammy she wandered into the garden. She couldn't immediately see Gill and was about to go back inside, when she saw the swing seat at the bottom of the garden swaying and squinted to make out a small figure in the darkness. Julie hurried over, wondering if Gill would welcome the company.

"Hello." She said as she arrived. "May I join you?"

"Course you can." Gill patted the seat next to her and Julie sat down.

"How are you doing?" Julie asked. "Sorry, that's a stupid question!"

"No, it's fine. The truth is, I don't know. It's a hell of a thing."

Julie took a large swig of her gin, and leaned back on the swing pushing back, laughing, somewhat hysterically.

"Well, don't do it again!" Julie admonished and looked at her friend to see if she was alright.

"I'll try not to!" Gill replied, and promptly burst into tears.

Pulling her into a hug, Julie joined her until they were both sobbing, and comforting each other. Slowly the tears stopped falling and Gill sniffed. Julie pulled a packet of tissues out of her handbag, offered one to Gill and promptly blew her nose, very loudly, causing Gill to start laughing. Soon the two friends were laughing so hard they nearly fell off the swing. Noticing Julie had almost finished her drink, Gill waved to table to the side revealing a bottle of gin and some tonic.

"Refill?" Gill asked, but had already started filling both her and Julie's glasses with generous portions of the clear liquid. Adding a small amount of tonic, she passed Julie's glass back to her, before taking a rather large gulp from her own.

"What a day!" Gill said as she looked at Julie, and then. "I've done something really stupid!" she blurted.

"What do you mean? You've not shagged Dave, have you?" Julie said, looking horrified, even as she tried not to.

Gill laughed. "Uggh! Not a chance. I'm not that mad!"

"Then what? It can't be that bad." Julie reassured her friend. "Out with it!"

"I, er..." Gill looked down at her feet swinging, and then pulled them up and tucked them under her, as she hugged herself. "Trust me, you don't want to know."

"Since when have we kept things from one another?" Julie asked.

"I know. It's just, this involves someone else, and I don't want you to think..."

"Who've you shagged?"

"Julie!" Gill looked at her friend. "It's Sammy's engagement party! What do you take me for?!"

"A woman who has just been through a traumatic experience and needs comforting. I'm not judging, love. Jesus, I've had my own share of embarrassing encounters!" Julie continued. "It's probably not as bad as you are imagining, you know."

"Oh it is. It's much, much worse!"

"Well, as long as it's not Dave, I don't care!" Julie declared. "And I'd even understand if it had been Dave."

"Really?!" Gill couldn't imagine Julie ever being happy with her hooking up with Dave again, even if it was for a one off encounter.

"Really." Julie tried to reassure her best friend. "Now what's happened."

"I kissed Rachel." Gill confessed.

It was unfortunate that Julie had just taken a rather large mouthful of gin at that moment.

"What?!" she spluttered, covering them both in a fine spray of gin.

"Told you you wouldn't like it!" Gill said, miserably.

"I didn't say that. I'm just surprised is all." Julie said, trying to regain her composure. "I thought you said you'd never go there?"

Julie remembered the conversation that they'd had a few months ago when Gill had told her that she was seriously attracted to Rachel, if not in love with the woman. Just after Rachel had got married, and Gill had been feeling melancholy and all alone. Julie desperately wanted her friend to find someone to spend her life with, someone who understood, as she herself had done with Annie, with whom she had been civil partnered for the last three years.

"So, are we talking peck on the cheek, or full on snog..?"

Gill blushed furiously, looking away.

"Oh my God!" Julie said, staring at her friend. "More than that?"

"Well let's just say I feel a bit of a hypocrite for what I said to Pete and Rachel's mum after I found them in that car park!"

Julie's mouth fell open. "You didn't..?"

"Well, not exactly. I don't know what I was thinking, well I wasn't really thinking, that's the problem!" Gill closed her eyes, again remembering. "Julie, it was amazing. I want more, so much more, but how can I?" Gill buried her face in her hands.

"Well if you really want to, why don't you go for it. Providing Rachel's up for it of course, which, by the way, I'm pretty sure she will be..."

"Because we have to work together!"

"Well, maybe not. You said yourself that you were thinking of re-joining the NPIA, now Sammy doesn't need you at home any more, and even if you're not, Rachel's doing her sergeant's exams soon and she'll be looking for a move. Nothing is impossible."

"I've already told her it's a bad idea." Gill told Julie exactly what had happened, sparing no detail.

"So she's gone home thinking you regret the whole incident!" Julie chided. "That's just cruel. At least speak to her and let her know it's not her fault. She's probably at home thinking you're about to kick her back to division!"

"Oh, God! I didn't think of that. I hoped she'd just want to forget about it."

"Really?" Julie asked.

"Well, no, not really. It's just so impossible! God, why can't I just have a nice, settled love life, like you?"

Julie laughed. "It's only been so these last five years, since I met Annie, prior to that it was a mess! It's still not easy, with her away a lot of the time, and the insane hours I work, but we make it work"

They had, Gill realised. They made it look so easy, and yet Gill wasn't naïve. She knew it had been difficult.

"Look at now. She so wanted to come tonight, but she had to go to Sheffield, for a post-mortem, as their paediatric pathologist has gone on holiday. "

There really weren't enough paediatric pathologists in the country, and Annie Murphy was one of the best, and as such often in great demand. Annie had told Julie the bare bones of the case. It was harrowing: a mother accused of starving her baby boy to death. Sometimes, Julie didn't know how Annie could do that day in, day out, but she did it so well, and someone had to do it. Julie found cases involving children especially difficult and was glad she didn't have to deal with that all the time. She was immensely proud of Annie.

She remembered the case that had brought them together. The brutal rape and murder of a ten year old girl, by her step-father. Annie's detailed post-mortem report had made grim reading, but that combined with her evidence in court had been instrumental in ensuring that the bastard got a life sentence. If he ever got out, hopefully he would be too old and frail to do to anyone else what he had done to Jenna.

"You'll very likely not have a settled love life with Rachel. I don't think a relationship with her would ever be sedate. She's volatile, and I'll wager she'll give you a run for your money!"

"Not to mention that I'm furious with her at the moment. She keeps bringing her personal life to work, and I can't stand that!" Gill said with feeling. "I need someone who can keep the personal separate from the professional, and that's just not Rachel."

"You need someone to love you, and unless I'm very much mistaken, Rachel Bailey is head over heels in love with you. She worships the ground you walk on. The reason she's made such a mess of her personal life so far is that she hasn't found the right person."

"She's straight!"

"Really? As straight as you are?" Julie laughed. "Hmm...I'm sure you'll find she's not as straight as you think, love. From what you've told me, she was just as up for this evening's interlude as you were. Annie always said Rachel pinged her gaydar anyway. We laugh about it, sometimes, and wonder if she'll ever realise that what she needs, rather than a string of useless blokes, is the love of a good woman."

"And do you laugh about me, in the same way? When I told you how I felt about Rachel, did you and Annie have a good laugh about it?" Gill said, trying to keep the hurt she felt out of her voice.

"It's not like that, Gill!" Julie wished she could make Gill understand that she was only teasing, and in a positive way. "We both want you to be happy, with someone, whoever that someone is."

"She won't be interested. It wouldn't be fair. She's just left Sean, she needs her space...and she's fifteen years younger than me. She won't want an old lady!"

"So was Chris!" Julie said. "Anyway, Annie doesn't mind. She's a good ten years younger than me. Age is just a state of mind. I've seen the way you and Rachel are together. You both need someone as intense as each other, and someone who is passionately involved in their work, just like me and Annie. We love each other, but we're both passionately committed to our work, and although I miss her when she's away, or I'm stuck working until midnight on an important case, I know I wouldn't want it any other way."

"You know some of Sammy's friends called me a Cougar, when I was dating Chris?" Gill smiled.

Julie laughed. "A Cougar...that's priceless! A real Courtney Cox, you are, lady. What happened with Chris, anyway, your mother stop paying him?"

Gill looked at her friend. "Ha, bloody, ha! No, he was just too much of a lad in the end. I think I'm going mad. I've never felt this way about anyone before, let alone a woman! It's so overwhelming, but after today, part of me can't help thinking that life's too short. Who was it who said that you only regret the things you didn't do?"

"Don't know." Julie replied. "But it seems like good advice to me! Carpe Diem, and all that."

Julie finished her drink, and then suggested they return to the house as she was now feeling decidedly chilly.

"You still staying over? The spare room is made up for you, as usual."

"Oh yes, because tomorrow I want to make sure you don't talk yourself out of speaking to Rachel." She started running for the house, having taken off her heels. "Last one back makes breakfast, in the morning!" She turned round to see Gill desperately trying to to catch up.

"You cheat! You had a head start!" Gill stated, breathlessly as she caught up with the older woman.

"You need to do more exercise you fat-arsed bitch!" Julie said, playfully.

As they fell back into the house through the patio doors, they noticed that the party was down to the last few revellers, and was fairly quiet. There was also an absence of the snoring Dave.

"I sent him back to Gran's in a taxi." Sammy said, by way of explanation to Gill as she looked around for her errant ex-husband.

"Oh good. I wasn't sure quite what to do with him!" Gill admitted. "I think I'm off to bed kid, if that's ok?

"Course it is, mum."

"Me too." Julie added. "I'm looking forward to my breakfast in the morning, lady!"

"Don't push your luck, Slap! Night everyone!"

"Sweet dreams!" Julie called to Gill as they arrived on the landing.

"I think I'm too tired to dream. See you in the morning." Gill yawned as she disappeared into her bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Cougar reference is from the Scott and Bailey novel 'Bleed Like Me' by Cath Staincliffe.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OK, so somewhat later than planned, here is Chapter 3. There are another couple of Chapters in the pipeline! I hope you enjoy it.

A Guilty Thing Surprised Chapter 3

Rachel came to slowly, feeling cold and stiff. She groaned as she tried to move, realising she must have fallen asleep on the couch fully clothed. Glancing at her phone, she saw the time was 5am.

 _Aargh_ , she thought. _What have I done now?_

As she sat up, memories of last night, and Gill flooded into her brain. She felt the unmistakable feeling of desire and arousal, as she remembered how Gill had felt against her, before the feelings of regret caught up with her.

_Jesus, Bailey! What the fuck is wrong with you! Coming onto your boss, Godzilla, no less!_

Rachel stood unsteadily as a wave of nausea came over her, as she made her way to the bathroom. Stripping out of her crumpled clothes, she started the shower. Stepping under the spray when it had reached the desired temperature, she let the shower wash away her aches from sleeping on the sofa.

If only I could wash away the heartache so easily, she thought.

Rachel turned off the shower, wrapped herself in a towel, and padded barefoot to her bedroom. Allowing the towel to fall to the floor, she fell into bed naked.

She awoke sometime later, as sunlight streamed into her room. Rachel tentatively opened her eyes and then closed them as she realised her head was pounding. Cautiously she sidled out of bed, pulled on a robe, and shuffled to the kitchen, finding some paracetamol in her handbag along the way. She turned on the tap and winced as the water made loud splashing sound against the sink. She filled a glass and drank it down, swallowing the paracetamol.

Settling on the sofa, she leant her head back, and hear her text alert go off. She rummaged in her handbag for her phone, smiling as she realised that it was from Janet.

 _How’s your head? xx_ It read.

Squinting at her phone, Rachel started replying.

_Hurting! Serves me right! Ring me when you’re free to talk, xx_

A few moments later, Rachel’s phone buzzed in her hand and she answered it, greeted by the cheery tones of Janet Scott.

“Uggh. How can you sound so cheery at this time of the morning?” Rachel demanded of her best friend.

“It’s after ten!” Janet countered. “Anyway, as I only had on glass of wine yesterday, I am full of the joys of Spring!”

“Great! Just what I need; a reformed alcoholic preaching at me!”

Janet laughed. “Ha, ha! As if. I just chose not to drink last night, that’s all.”

“Probably very wise,” Rachel said, as she burst into tears.

“Oh Rach, don’t cry! Do you want me to come over?”

“Would you?” Rachel sniffed.

“Of course!”

Rachel decided she had better get dressed as she was expecting company. Pulling on some sweat pants and a t-shirt she scraped her hair high on her head, securing it in a ponytail. As she winced at the tenderness of her head, she made a slice of toast and forced herself to eat it. She felt shaky and wobbly and knew her blood sugar was probably in her boots.

_Why the Fuck, do I have to drink so much?! And why can't I behave like an adult?_

Rachel had just sat on the sofa with a cup of tea, when the doorbell rang, signalling Janet's arrival. Rising carefully as she felt another wave of nausea, Rachel went to answer it, opening the door to Janet and standing aside to admit her best friend. Rachel took in Janet's breezy appearance, and not for the first time thought about becoming tee total.

Janet quickly gathered her friend in a hug. Her heart went out to Rachel as she squeezed her tight, rubbing the younger woman's back in comforting circles.

Rachel felt the emotion of the last few days wash over her as the tears began to flow, and this time there was no stopping them. It was all mixed up. How much she had missed Janet, the possibility that they could have lost Gill, the breakup of her marriage to Sean, her stupidity at her fling with Kevin, but mostly the feelings that she had for Gill. The dizzying, amazing, terrifying feelings that made her stomach flip and her heart ache so badly.

“Oh, Jan!” Rachel sobbed. “Everything is such a mess!”

Janet led Rachel over to the settee, and sat them both down, and Rachel felt herself gathered up once again in Janet Scott's motherly arms.

Finally Rachel lifted her head and sniffed, looking at Janet.

“I must look like a right fool!” Janet handed her some tissues out of her handbag, ever prepared.

“No worse than usual!” Janet quipped.

“Hey, Cheeky!” Rachel replied, but it brought a smile to her face, all the same.

“D'ya wanna talk about it?” Janet said, after a few moments silence.

“Dunno, do I?” Rachel said, more to herself than Janet.

“Rachel,” Janet began, raising her hand when Rachel tried to interrupt. “Look, I'm sorry I've not been there for you when you were clearly going through such a tough time.”

“No, it's me who should be apologising, for fucking up our friendship, like everything else in my life. I don't know what's wrong with me, I just...mess everything up that I care about!”

“Hey, listen, we all do stupid things from time to time. Some more than others, I'll grant you, but we're all stupid some of the time! What's bothering you the most?”

“I just seem to upset the people I love, you, Sean, Alison...Gill...” Rachel trailed off biting her bottom lip as she looked at the hands she was wringing in her lap. “I don't want to, I just can't seem to help it!”

“What happened between you and Gill, last night?” Janet asked, gently. “You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to, Rachel, but it might help to talk.”

“I know.” Rachel said, as she continued wringing her hands. “The truth is I don't know what, I mean...”

Rachel buried her head in her hands, then looked up at Janet, her eyes glistening with tears, as she whispered.

“I think, I think... I'm in love with her...”

 _Oh, shit, have I just said that out loud?_ Rachel buried her head in her hands again and started sobbing quietly.

Janet's heart went out to Rachel as she gently took Rachel's hands in her own and looked at her friend.

“Oh, Rachel! How long has this been going on?”

“I don't know...You know...you know how I've always respected her, and looked up to her...”

“And wanted to be like her, when you grew up?” Janet interjected.

“It just sorta grew, I guess...” Rachel looked helplessly at Janet. “and now, I'll just forget it!”

“What, why? Just like that?” Janet questioned.

“Well, because it's obvious really isn't it? It can't go any where!!”

 _“I can think of many, many reasons why this is inappropriate.”_ Gill's words rattled round Rachel's head. That meant she didn't want to pursue this...whatever this was, between them.

“Rachel, why didn't you tell me how you felt before?” Janet asked gently.

Rachel extricated herself from Janet, and started pacing her living room floor.

“Because, it's madness! Nothing can come of it. I never thought she would...and she wouldn't if it hadn't been for...well you know, the abduction. It's just not going to happen, she's my boss, and anyway she's straight!!”

“Maybe...up until yesterday I'd have said that you were straight, too!” Janet said. “You hid that well.”

“It's just easier..to do what's, what's expected that's all.” Rachel tried to explain.

Janet looked at Rachel, assessing her best friend. “Why on earth didn't you tell me?”

“I suppose you get used to hiding...I can't explain really, just that it's easier, and it's not as if I hate guys, and I never had any trouble attracting them!”

 _No you're practically beating them off with a stick, or not as the case may be!_ Janet thought.

“Have you told anyone?” Janet asked, trying not to look upset.

“NO! Well, I did sorta have a drunken conversation with Annie, once.” Rachel said, sheepishly. “Oh God, Jan, I'm sorry...I didn't mean...not about Gill...in general, I mean.”

Rachel looked wretched, and Janet couldn't find it on her heart to feel bad that Rachel hadn't confided in her, but the partner of a colleague.

“Not Julie?” Janet asked, not really sure why she wouldn't have confided in Julie, if she were looking for someone who would understand.

Rachel looked at Janet, as if she had grown two heads. “Are you mad?! Julie's way too scary, and anyway, she might have mentioned something to Gill! As it is I'm pretty sure Annie mentioned it to Julie. Sometimes, I just catch her looking at me, as though she knows...”

Janet laughed. “You, pal, are paranoid!”

“Just cos you're paranoid...”

“...it doesn't mean they're not out to get you!” They both chorused together.

“Julie's not scary, when you get to know her. Surely you've not been swayed by Kevin's tales of 'The Bitch from the Black Lagoon'?”

“Well, she's never arrested you for murder!” Rachel said.

“Technically...she didn't arrest you...”

“Now you're splitting hairs!”

“And you're changing the subject!” Janet said. “How do you feel about Gill and what happened last night?”

Rachel looked at Janet. She desperately wanted to explain, but she wasn't sure she could find the words.

“I don't know where to start, Jan!” Rachel looked so lost, Janet wanted to sweep her up and take all her pain away. “I just...I feel...It's been going on a while now; I tried to ignore it. I mean what can come of it? I just thought I'd bury it and it would go away, but it keeps rearing it's head, and refusing to go away! And then, when I thought I'd lo..lost her, I just...” Rachel was unable to continue.

Janet stood and pulled Rachel back to sit on the settee, holding her friend, waiting until she continued.

“I couldn't hold it back and I just started crying, like a baby, and Gill...Gill...” Rachel paused, staring into the distance, a half smile playing about her lips. “Gill, just seemed to understand...and I kissed her to say thank you, but it...it turned into something more...”

Rachel had a wistful, longing look on her face that Janet had never seen before.

 _Oh my God; she's serious! She really does love her._ Janet realised, feeling for her best friend.

Rachel continued. “It was amazing, Jan! So passionate, and..and..” Rachel closed her eyes and remembered the feelings that she had felt as the kiss progressed. “And then, then she said. 'I can think of many, many reasons why this is inappropriate.' “

Janet squeezed Rachel's hand, and tried to be reassuring.

“Look she probably just panicked and thought she should just be professional with you, maybe she thought she was taking advantage of you, and that was inappropriate?”

Janet was at a loss, as to Gill's behaviour. She had never known Gill not to relish a challenge and she was never one to listen to gossip, or worry unduly about what other people said about her.

“How can I ever face her again?” Rachel asked.

“You can and you will. You'll get through this, however it turns out.”

“However it turns out? There's only one way I can see. Godzilla will give me an extra hard time, and all the shitty jobs, or she'll kick me back to division!” Rachel said, thinking if she thought of Gill as Godzilla, it might hurt a little less.

“Now you really are being paranoid!” Janet said. “When have you known Gill be anything other than professional. She'll not hold it against you. I know. It will be a little awkward for a while, but it will pass.”

“I wish I could stop feeling this way!” Rachel sighed. “But I can't. Every time I think about her I just...” Rachel trailed off again.

“Right,” Janet said. “I know what you need. Lunch, and some retail therapy! Get changed, and we'll go shopping. Do you fancy the Trafford Centre?”

“Why not.” Rachel said, smiling. “Distraction is good!”

Rachel rose from the settee and went off to change. Janet tried not to think too hard about how all this would end. She wondered what Gill was thinking, and wondered if she should call her. She wondered if Gill had confided in Julie. She was pretty sure she had seen Julie arriving, just as they had left last night. Maybe she should call Julie. While she was pondering the question, Rachel appeared, having applied some make-up and changed into a rather appealing dress.

“Right, we off then?” Rachel asked, grabbing her handbag, and house keys. “You all right to drive? I don't feel up to it.”

“Sure, come on!”

The two friends exited Rachel's flat arm in arm, into the early afternoon sunshine, as Rachel decided to try to forget about Gill for the afternoon.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, this story is progressing at last and there are another 2 chapters. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed this so far, and given kudos, and thank you for your patience.

Chapter 4

Julie woke early, turning over in bed as she came to. She realised she was in Gill's spare bedroom, and given the amount of gin she had consumed last night, she didn't feel too bad. Looking at her phone she saw it was 7am and wondered if it were too early to call Annie in Sheffield. She had yet to inform her about yesterday's events as she didn't want her to worry when she was so far away, and unable to do anything about it. She desperately wanted to talk to her now, as she was missing her so much. Picking up the phone she rang her spouse.

“Hiya, love.” a half-awake voice greeted her.

“Mmm, morning. Sorry it's so early, but I needed to hear your voice.” Julie confided. “Apologies if I woke you.”

“Not a problem; anyone else...well that would have been a different matter!” 

Julie knew that although Annie's job called for many an early morning, she was not really a morning person.

“How are you getting on, and when do you think you'll be finished?” Julie enquired.

“Is that your way of asking me when I will be home?” Annie teased.

“Might be. I miss you, you mad cow!”

“Miss you too. Nearly done. I should be back this evening if I get a move on. Once I have all I need I can compose my report at home and e-mail it when it's done.” Annie said. Julie could hear the tiredness in her voice, and regretted phoning her so early.

“What time did you get to bed?” Julie asked, concern evident in her voice. 

“Not really sure, late or early depending on your perspective. What about you how was the party? You don't sound like you have a hangover!”

“Bit of a headache, that's all. It was fairly eventful.” Julie wondered how much to divulge to Annie. Oh, sod it! We have no secrets from each other, and besides I need her advice!

“It was interesting!” Julie said, not giving much away, as she decided how much to tell Annie, over the phone. Interesting doesn't begin to cover it! “I didn't get there til late. Work kept me longer than I would have liked.”

“Oh, love!” Annie said. “You work too hard,”

“Listen who's talking; you're a workaholic!” Julie countered.

“I think we both are. Let's just leave it at that!” Annie said. “Anyway, what was so interesting?”

“Well, Gill and Rachel had a moment...”

“A moment? What are you on ab...?” Annie stopped as the penny dropped.

“What? You mean Gill actually...?”

“It was before I was there. Rachel had left with Janet as I arrived. Gill told me about it. She wants to take it further, but she's worried, and I think she's pushed Rachel away.”

Julie explained to Annie, what Gill had told her.

“Oh for the love of God! Can't you knock their heads together and get them to see sense. They are so made for each other!”

Julie chuckled, causing Annie to frown, and say;

“What? You know I'm right!”

“It's just funny hearing Annie the matchmaker. What would all your colleagues say!”

“Oh, piss off! Forensic pathologists can be romantics too, you know!”

“If you say so...” Julie laughed. “Hurry home, I miss you!”

“Now who's getting all soppy?”

“Senior policewomen can be romantic too, you know....”

“What are you planning?”

“Oh, nothing special.” Julie said. “Just don't expect me to keep my hands off you!”

“Mmm, I miss you so much. What I wouldn't give to hold you right now...”

Julie groaned as she her the passion in her wife's voice, closing her eyes, remembering the last time they had made love.

“I'd better let you get back to work. The sooner you finish the sooner you'll be here!”

“Hmm, what are you going to do about Gill and Rachel?”

“Well, try and get Gill to talk to her, I suppose. She's trying to run away from it, and I'll not going to let her!”

“That's my girl!” Annie said. “Sort them out!”

“Easier said than done!”

“Look, why don't you ring Janet, and get her on board?”

“That's actually not a bad idea...”

“I have been known to have a few...” Annie said, laughing.

“That's why I love you so...” Julie said sincerely. “Well that, and your gorgeous tits!”

“Oh, spoil it, why don't you!” Annie said, mock indignantly

“What? You do have gorgeous tits!” Julie said sincerely. “and I miss them, and the rest of you!”

“Glad to hear it!” Annie said. “I would hate to think you were objectifying me!”

“Heaven forbid! Moi? Never!”

”And here was I, thinking you loved me for my mind!” Annie continued. 

“Just love all of you, from the top of your head to the end of your toes! So, hurry on home so I can show you just how much!”

“Well, I'll make a start and ring you before I set off. I'll try and time it so I don't hit the traffic. What are you up to today?”

“Well. I'm going to help tidy up after the party and then take Gill out to lunch and chat. At some point I will need to nip into work, and finish a report I was supposed to do yesterday, but wasn't able to, as I was called to a major incident.”

“I heard something about an incident, A police officer abducted and taken hostage in her car? Was that the one?”

“Yes.” Julie replied, not elaborating. She really didn't want to tell Annie this over the phone.

Annie detected Julie's reluctance to go into details.

“Is everything OK?” she asked.

“Yes. You know how these things are,”

Annie could tell something was not quite right. “What is it, love?”

“It was Gill...”

“What was Gill?” Annie said, puzzled for a moment, and then, “The Officer that was taken hostage! Oh, why on Earth didn't you ring me?!”

“Because you were so far away, and I knew you'd only worry. Besides, it was late by the time I'd finished at HQ, and I knew you had enough on your plate.”

“I'm getting up now, and should be finished in a couple of hours. Is Gill really all right?”

“You know Gill...Indestructible!”

“Yes, a regular Captain Scarlet! Are you OK?” Annie asked, concern clear down the phone line.

”I am now, and I'll be even better when you're home! I'm going to make a start on the tidying up. If I keep busy, it won't seem too long before you're here!”

“I'm going down to breakfast and then I'll head in.” Annie said, thoughtfully. I'll ring you when I'm done.”  
After reassuring Annie again, that all was well, the pair said their goodbyes, and Julie got out of bed, pulling on a robe, and made her way downstairs. 

As she approached the kitchen, she heard whispered voices and opened the door to find Sammy, Orla and a couple of Sammy's mates tidying up.

“Oh!” Julie said. “I was coming to make a start on the mess, but it looks like you beat me to it!” 

“Sorry if we woke you, Julie.” Orla said. We tried to be quiet!”

“That's OK I was getting up anyway.” Julie replied. “Do you need me to do anything?”

“We've got it covered, thanks.” Sammy said. “I wanted to show mum that I can be responsible, and that she can trust me!”

“Oh Sammy! She does trust you, you know. She's very proud of you!”

“Sometimes she still treats me like a little kid!” Sammy said indignantly.

“That's just because she's your mother and she loves you. You'll always be her baby!”

“It just gets annoying sometimes. I can't wait til we get our own place, Orla and me. It'll be great.”

Julie smiled, the enthusiasm of youth! She thought, 

“It will be wonderful.” Julie acknowledged, “You'd better invite your old Auntie Jules round!”

“Course I will! You'll be welcome any time, won't she Orla?”

“Absolutely!” Orla concurred. “You and Annie can come round whenever you want!”

“I'll hold you to that. Now, what can I do to help?”

“Nothing!” Orla said. “It's all under control!”

“You sure?” Julie said.

When Orla nodded, Julie decided to go and shower and then prepare breakfast for Gill. Even though she had won the silly bet they had had last night, she had always intended to make Gill breakfast this morning. Gill needed looking after and all her friends round her, making her feel loved and safe, after her terrible ordeal, and Julie was going to do all in her power to facilitate that.

After showering and dressing, Julie set about making coffee and toast to take up to Gill. Balancing the tray, Julie ascended the stairs and knocked on Gill's bedroom door. 

“Hello?” Gill called a little croakily.

Julie entered and set the tray down. Looking at a sleepy Gill affectionately.

“Hi sleepyhead. How are you feeling this morning?” Julie enquired.

“A little hoarse.” Gill replied, her voice cracking as she rubbed her neck. The bruising was now very visible. Gill sat up in bed and Julie reached down to give her friend a reassuring hug.

“Did you manage to sleep?” Julie asked, concern evident in her voice.

“Some, not a great deal.” Gill admitted. “I've been awake for a while, just thinking.”

“Don't think too much. You'll just make your head hurt more!”

“I know.” Gill replied, as Julie handed her the coffee.

“I hope you enjoy it. The toast should help too.” 

“You are good to me you know. I thought I was supposed to be making you breakfast?”

“Nah, that was just a silly bet. I always intended to spoil you. What are your plans for today?”

“Well I need to tidy up for a start!”

“No you don't. The kids are on with it; Sammy and Orla and a couple of their friends that stayed over. It's looking good.”

“Ah, he's not a bad kid really.” Gill said, thoughtfully, as she nibbled on the toast.

“No, he's great...Thanks to his Godmothers!”

“What?? You and Janet? You think you're a good influence?” Gill said.

“Of course!” Julie responded. “Only the best!”

Gill didn't reply as she finished the coffee and toast, and stretched out in bed.

“Mmm, I suppose I should get up.” Gill mused.

“You don't have to. Go back to sleep if you want. I'm going to nip into work, just to see what's what. I didn't get much of work done yesterday, what with...” Julie tailed off.

“Yes, sorry about that!” Gill quipped, smiling.

Julie let out the breath she had been holding. She didn't want to make Gill uncomfortable, but she didn't want to avoid the subject either.

“I'll come back later and we can go out for lunch.” Julie said as she got up and smoothed her trousers. Gill turned over and snuggled down again, as Julie left the room, closing the door behind her, quietly.

Arriving in her office at HQ, Julie groaned at the disarray. She had dropped everything when the call came yesterday. She set her coffee machine going as she tidied up her files, and fired up her computer. It seemed to take an age to load up these days, and Julie would be very glad, when the promised new one finally materialised. Julie looked at her e-mails, answering the ones that seemed most urgent and leaving the others for Monday. Once she had finished, she played her phone messages, and noted them down. There was one from Karen, telling her not to overdo it, and asking her to make sure Gill did not show up for work on Monday. How well she knows her officers, Julie thought. She ought to take her own advice though. Julie would bet her pension that Karen was in her office now, even though she knew it was not her weekend on. 

Julie sat back in her chair, and wondered about calling Janet. Oh sod it, she thought as she dialled Janet's mobile.

“Hello, Julie?” Janet's voice sounded a little distant. “I'm in the car, don't worry, I'm hands free!”

Janet had forgotten what the Trafford Centre was like on a Saturday and was driving round to find a parking space, having dropped Rachel off at the entrance, and arranging a rendevous in Starbucks, once she had found that elusive space.

“You alone?” Julie asked, not wanting to have this conversation with Janet if Rachel were listening in. If she were honest, she really didn't want to have this conversation anyway, but she had to, for Gill's sake.

“Yeah, I'm trying to park at the Trafford Centre. I dropped Rachel off. It was getting ridiculous driving round. God, I hate this! Why on Earth did I suggest the Trafford Centre on a Saturday!”

Julie laughed. “Distraction, maybe?”

“I guess Gill's told you what happened last night then?”

“Pretty much.” Julie responded.

The two compared notes. Julie was surprised to learn the depths of Rachel's feelings, and the two of them conspired to see what they could do to bring the pair together.

“We should bang their heads together, and leave them in a locked room til they sort it out!!” Janet suggested.

“Hmm, much as the idea appeals, I think we'd be better being around but not in the way.”

“How about we all meet up for a late lunch, and then you and I can think of some reason, we have to leave?” Janet suggested. “They can't get into too much trouble in a public place!”

“Maybe, but we'd better not tell them we're going to meet; make it look like we just bumped into each other?”

“That might work.” Julie said thoughtfully, and the two worked out where to meet, and when.

Having agreed on a venue, and a time, they finished there conversation and Julie shut down her computer, picked up her bag and exited her office with a smile. This matchmaking could be quite fun! She thought.


End file.
